041

I need to get out of this town
Where I am treated like a puppet
I'll treat everyone to a show
Make them laugh
Then they'll throw some pennies
Or maybe leave without giving anything
Either way
I want to get off this stage
I don't need to be played
Nor do I require strings attached
To my bones
Lifting me up
And then dropping me down
Swinging me all around
I can barely see straight
And I know that it's time
Before I spiral out of control
To get myself out of this town

040

hanging up
the woman ends her call
retrieves a cigarette
and momentarily allows
the life to be
sucked out of her lungs

hanging up
a basket of flowers
beside her front door
the woman wants herself
to feel welcome
although, the visitors don't come

hanging up
the man expertly ties a length of rope
he had been here before
remembering the flowers
he had bought her a week ago
now there were nothing but weeds
growing in his throat

hanging up
the man looks outside
lines of communication
draw a pretty picture in the battered sky
and above he sees two birds fly
the man puts down the phone

039

Peel back my wallpaper
And discover the fire
Languid flames flickering
Droopy lids sliding
Down the walls of my exterior
I am living in my body
I am dying in my body
Before the wolf
Blows down my being
Tell me why
Why I shouldn't be
Contemplating jumping off my house
Crossing the roads when
The cars are dangerously near
Hoping that my line will lie flat
Against the hospital monitor
There is nothing left
New wallpaper will be bought
With a pathetic attempt to cover up
The struggles I have encountered
Why don't you see
Why don't you see
Maybe their eyelids are drooping

too

Maybe they are being paid
To decorate as they once were as well
A long time ago
My walls may be well built but
You keep covering the surface
Because once one sees the surface
They can enter my being
And be told the most
Chilling tales
Then maybe they can shred
A little more skin
Dig a little deeper than the surface
And play hide and seek too

038

I feel
As if I am not really here
But rather that I am
Floating on thin air
The air becomes hot
And suddenly it is hard to breathe
Particles which conclude my demons
Arrive at the tip of my tongue
And together they breed

In another dimension
A whole lifetime away
A womb is occupied
By a small, almost life-like child
But it was deformed
It never really got the chance
To drain the oxygen from my blood
Before I ordered for them to take it away

Illegal white gloves
And deceiving green cloaks
Pulled you out of me
But who are they to blame
I asked them to help me kill you
Anyway

I hope
That one day you will understand
I couldn't stay awake anymore
Couldn't cope with the pressure
Of the particles moving my tongue
The dust that had accumulated
In my throat
Drowned my voice and
Made what I said blunt

So premature child
Tell me
Is it too early to want to die
Because I swear to god
That day when you came out of me
And refused to cry
You looked at me with disgust
As if I should have left you

Lying
Against the weak walls of my uterus
For the concrete to knock your spine
And leave you lifeless
Selfish I am
I already know
But I wanted to have something
To live for myself

And now as I wipe the blood
Off your left knee
After your first day
Of primary
You look down at me
As if to ask
Why I brought you here
Because my demons
Pushed you over too

037

Terminal, 4. She waves him goodbye but there were no aeroplanes plotted for her demise. Stage 4. Was leaving her dry, the life consumed from her hollow eyes. Her blood as thin as the string of lies she had knowingly played along to. 4 weeks turned into 4 days. The strings became thinner and thinner. Much like her corpse but all one could see was a carefully carved piece of rock - 'here lies beloved mum'. And son, you were the cancer that stole all from that structure of bone. Now, that's all there is. Decaying in the cold.

036

i can write

as much as i want

about how i feel

the way i see society

but 

i cannot write about how 

i feel about you

because

infatuation is cruel

it is delusional and

very good

at making me lost for words

when i see you

i cannot look anywhere but

the way you speak

and the way my lungs

burn in my throat

random syllables

spew from my mouth

and scatter across the soil

for nature to feed on

besides you

they try to summon you

to collapse to the ground with them

the syllables are tickling your

curiosity but you

cannot pick them up

because you don't even try

i don't even blame you

i am already so far gone

but the definition

that your letters construct

launch me into an unknown world

slowly breath the life back into my lungs

a burning desire

that you created

like the pits of fire

that hell has acquired

i'll see you there

035

find the poetry in my veins
but do not expose me
know that if i am lost
do not try to find me
i want to die
i want to die
i am ready to say goodbye
but i can't
because how can someone die
if they haven't even lived
i feel as though i am
in a bee hive
sickly sweet torture
and i can do nothing
but
succumb to the pressure
i am ready to be on a flight
far far away from here
but there's no escape
i am 

stuck here

forever